September 29, 2021, 1:33 P.M.

Currently sitting in my converted Sprinter van home in a vacant parking lot sipping on earl gray tea. Today my thoughts have been foggy and have ranged from panic state of,

"Where am I going to make money?"

"Why isn't my art making me money?"

"I need money."

"Maybe I can sell everything I own to make money...wait I already did that. That's why I live in a van..."

...to thoughts of why do I gravitate to colorless things? Am I colorless? Do those things bring me joy? No? Okay, they must help with your anxiety. Yeah, okay lets go with that. Is that why I make art? To heal the anxious thoughts? Is that why I'm hating what I create right now because there is too much color? YES. THAT HAS TO BE IT. But what is color? Why have or not have color? Why make art about not having color in the first place? Isn't that what the definition of art is? No thats not right. That's a societal expectation of art, at least in Indiana. What if I make a whole print series of black prints. How can I get the richest, most blackest black. Acrylic painting on canvas with black paint. Motor oil painted on canvas. Etching that sat in an acid bath for 2 days, then inked up and printed on paper...no printed on black paper!...thats cheating. Blah, lets forget about that, there's no point...

So what's the purpose of this blog? It's going to force me to put thoughts on paper (or on screen) and get them out of my damn head! So many of my thoughts are lost in the rapid movement of things in my head. I will go from having a brilliant idea to, "oh shit did I pay that bill?" Then poof, the idea is gone forever into the deep dark hole of the universe never to be thought of again. The blog is purely for myself right now, I hope it becomes a source of entertainment for others. A sort of public journal or live sketchbook. A form of art that is often private.

My brain is most clear in the morning, especially before I start doing functional things like making breakfast or getting dressed. My goal is to sit, drink my tea, and WRITE write write until I feel like my brain is "emptier". The goal is to get a blog post up by 7:00 A.M. everyday.

See you at 7:00...

Daily mood monitor/self reflection:

Notes:

*You actually put on makeup today.

*Your outfit effects the way you feel throughout the day.

*You look like your mother.

*Your mind is not connected to your body today, a visual hint of that is the strap falling off your shoulder...a thing that would normally bother you.